When loss occurs far from home: the first steps
The unexpected death of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences, and when it happens abroad, the emotional burden intertwines with logistical challenges. Family members suddenly find themselves in a situation where they have to not only experience the loss but also solve complex issues of the repatriation of remains, often in a completely unfamiliar legal and cultural environment.
First of all, allow yourself to experience the initial reaction. Shock, disbelief, anger are normal emotions we experience in the face of loss. Research shows that attempting to suppress these feelings in the long run only complicates the grieving process. As one family who faced this situation said: "We were as if paralyzed. We didn't know where to start, but we realized that we had to allow ourselves to feel the pain before taking action."
Practical advice: create a small support circle. This should be 2–3 of the closest people who will help you make decisions and take care of practical matters. In this way, you will avoid information overload and will be able to focus on the most important things.
Intercultural differences: how to understand and overcome barriers
Different countries have different funeral traditions, death documentation procedures, and repatriation of remains regulations. What seems self-evident to us can be completely different in another culture. For example, in some Asian countries, cremation is standard practice, while in some African nations, special permits are required to export remains.
One family whose loved one died in Thailand shared: “We did not know that before transporting the remains, they had to be embalmed according to local laws. This took an additional three days, during which we felt completely helpless.”
Here is what you can do:
- Contact the Lithuanian embassy or consulate in that country – they have experience in such situations and can advise on local procedures
- Ask for a translator's help if you do not understand the local language
- Inquire if there is a Lithuanian community in the country that could help navigate local procedures
Emotional support for the family: how to help each other
The grieving process is different for each family member. Some want to talk about the loss, others close themselves off. Some take practical actions, others are paralyzed by pain. It is important to understand that there is no "correct" way to experience loss.
Psychologist Rasa Butkienė emphasizes: "Unwritten rules often form within a family regarding how one should grieve. Some family members may think it is necessary to 'hold it together', others – that it is essential to express feelings. These differences can cause additional tension during an already difficult period."
How to support each other:
- Create a safe space to express feelings – allow each family member to grieve in their own way
- Organize short family meetings during which you will discuss not only practical issues but also how everyone feels
- Take care of basic needs – sleep, food, rest. Physical exhaustion only intensifies emotional pain
- Do not forget the children – they need simple, age–appropriate explanations and special attention
Professional help: when and where to apply
Sometimes family support is not enough, and professional help is needed. This is not a sign of weakness – it is taking care of oneself during a difficult period.
When you should consider professional help:
- When grieving lasts longer than 6 months and does not diminish
- When daily activities become impossible due to mourning
- When thoughts of suicide arise
- When abuse of alcohol or other substances begins
A number of organizations operate in Lithuania providing assistance in the event of a loss:
- Jaunimo linija (tel. 8 800 28888) – emotional support by phone
- Vaikų linija (tel. 116 111) – help for children and teenagers
- Vilties linija (tel. 116 123) – help for adults
- Psychological help centers in major cities
Practical aspects of the repatriation of remains: what you need to know
Repatriation of remains from abroad is a complex process requiring documents, time, and financial resources. However, knowing what to expect can reduce stress.
The main steps:
- Obtaining the death certificate – this is the first document that will be needed for all further procedures
- Contacting a funeral service company abroad – they will help prepare the remains for transportation
- Contacting a funeral service company in Lithuania – they will coordinate the reception of the remains
- Document processing – various permits will be required, depending on the country
- Organization of transportation – air transport is most commonly used
On average, the repatriation of remains costs from 3,000 to 10,000 euros, depending on the distance and the specific characteristics of the country. It is worth checking whether the deceased had travel insurance – some insurance companies cover the costs of repatriating remains.
Self-help methods: how to take care of yourself
While taking care of practical matters, it is easy to forget about oneself. However, taking care of yourself is necessary – only in this way will you be able to help other family members as well.
Simple but effective self-help strategies:
- Breathing exercises – practicing deep breathing for 5 minutes several times a day can reduce stress levels
- "Grounding" technique – when you feel overwhelmed by emotions, pay attention to 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 sounds you hear, 2 smells you smell, and 1 taste
- Physical activity – even a short walk can improve your well-being
- Journaling – pouring thoughts onto paper helps to structure them
One woman who lost her brother abroad shared: "Every evening I would write down three things I am grateful for, even if they were the simplest things like warm tea or a friend's call. This helped me not to drown in grief."
Cultural rituals: how they help in the grieving process
Funeral rituals differ in different cultures, but their purpose is the same – to help relatives say goodbye and begin the grieving process. Lithuanian traditions – watching over the coffin, singing, visiting graves – provide structure and meaning to many during a difficult period.
However, when a loved one dies abroad, it is not always possible to follow all traditions. In such a case, it is worth creating your own rituals that would help express feelings and say goodbye.
Alternative ways of saying goodbye:
- Creating a memory box with photos and keepsakes
- Planting a tree in memory of the deceased
- Writing a letter to the deceased, expressing what you did not manage to say
- Organizing a charity event in the name of the deceased
One family that was unable to repatriate a loved one's remains from the USA on time created a memorial corner at home with a photo of the deceased, candles, and their favorite things. "This was our way of feeling his presence while we waited for the repatriation of the remains," they shared.
Journey to a new normalcy: life after loss
The time after the loss of a loved one is often described as a "new normalcy" – a life where one must learn to live without the loved person. This is not "recovery" or "moving forward" – it is adaptation to a changed reality.
The repatriation of remains and the funeral often become an important ritual marking the transition to this new reality. However, the real work begins after that – when everyday life returns and the pain of loss remains.
Psychologists emphasize that grieving is not a linear process with a clear end. It is rather an undulating experience in which painful moments become rarer over time but never completely disappear. and this is normal.
As one woman, who buried her husband two years ago, said: "The pain didn't go anywhere. It just became a part of my life – like a scar that reminds that once there was a wound. Sometimes it hurts, but most of the time it just is."
Perhaps the most important lesson we learn while experiencing loss – that love and the connection with the departed person do not go anywhere. They simply take a new form – of memories, values, and lessons that we carry within ourselves. and this is the greatest comfort on the journey to a new normalcy.
