When a call from abroad turns your life upside down
No one is ever prepared for such a call. When the news that a loved one has died in another country breaks over the phone, the world simply stops. The first minutes, hours, and days are like a fog – emotions overshadow rational thinking, while dozens of practical questions arise that need to be answered quickly.
Working in this field for over a decade, we have seen hundreds of families face this situation. And every time we notice the same thing – those who know what to do in the first 24 hours avoid many complications, additional stress, and even financial losses later on. Therefore, in this article, we want to share a specific action plan that will help you stay focused and make the right decisions even in the most difficult moment of your life.
First steps: what must be done within the first 2–3 hours
As soon as you find out the news, first of all – give yourself time to process it. Yes, it sounds paradoxical because now we are going to talk about actions, but it is truly important not to act impulsively. Take at least 15–20 minutes, take a breath, and if possible – talk to another family member.
The first practical step is to gather all available information. Write down:
– the exact location of death (city, hospital, or other facility);
– who informed you of the death (hospital, police, embassy, friend);
– whether you have the name and phone number of a contact person abroad;
– and whether you know the preliminary cause of death.
These details may seem obvious, but believe us – people overwhelmed by emotions often forget to ask basic questions, and later have to call back and look for information.
Next – contact the Lithuanian embassy or consulate in that country urgently. This is not a formality; it is a necessity. Consular staff are the people who will help you navigate the bureaucracy of a foreign country. You can find their contact details on the website of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Many embassies have 24/7 emergency lines specifically for such cases.
When you call the embassy, be prepared to provide:
– the full personal details of the deceased,
– the passport number (if available),
– your relationship to the deceased,
– and all the information you have already gathered.
The documentation issue: what will be needed and how to get it
Now the document marathon begins, and here it is crucial to understand that every country has its own rules. But there are documents that will be required in almost any case.
First of all – an official death certificate. It is issued by the relevant authorities of the country where the death occurred. Most often, this is a hospital or a local government office. This document must be translated into Lithuanian and legalized (or certified with an Apostille stamp if the country is a member of the Hague Convention).
Here is an important detail – do not rush to order translations yourself. First, consult with the embassy or with the repatriation company, as some translations must be done only by authorized translators. If you make an incorrect translation, you will have to repeat everything from scratch later.
You will also need:
– a copy of the passport (of the deceased),
– a copy of your passport,
– documents confirming the relationship (marriage certificate, birth certificate),
– and a police report if the person died during an accident or unknown circumstances.
One tip from practice: start scanning and photographing all the documents you receive. Create a separate folder on your phone or computer. This will greatly ease communication with various institutions – you will be able to quickly send the required documents via email.
The financial side: what you need to think about immediately
We know that talking about money at such a time feels inappropriate, but it is precisely financial issues that often become the biggest headache later. Therefore, it is better to consider certain things right away.
Transporting remains from abroad is not cheap. Depending on the country and distance, expenses can range from 2,000 to 8,000 euros or even more. This amount includes: preparation of the death certificate, embalming (mandatory for international transport), a special zinc coffin, paperwork, and transportation.
Check whether the deceased had:
– travel insurance covering repatriation,
– life insurance,
– or employer insurance (if they were on a business trip).
If they did – call the insurance company immediately. Many insurers have special procedures for such cases and can even help organize the transport. But it is important to notify them within the first 24–48 hours.
If there was no insurance, you will have to cover the expenses yourselves. Some repatriation companies offer installment plans, but this needs to be discussed in advance. You can also contact the Lithuanian embassy regarding potential financial assistance – such help exists for socially vulnerable families, though the procedures are quite complex.
The choice: transport in a coffin or cremation on-site?
This is one of the hardest decisions that needs to be made quickly. And there is no right or wrong answer here – everything depends on family traditions, religious beliefs, and practical circumstances.
Transporting the remains to Lithuania allows burying your loved one back home, holding a traditional funeral, and giving all relatives a chance to say goodbye. But it takes time – usually, the process takes from 5 to 14 days, sometimes longer. And it is expensive.
Cremation abroad with returning the ashes is a faster and cheaper option. Ashes can be transported even within 3–5 days, and expenses are usually 2–3 times lower. The ash urn can be buried in Lithuania, scattered, or kept at home – according to the family's wishes.
It is important to know: in some countries, cremation is the standard procedure and transporting remains can be exceptionally difficult or even impossible (for example, in some Asian countries). In such cases, there may actually be no choice.
Before making a decision:
– Consult with other family members.
– Take into account the wishes of the deceased, if they were expressed.
– Consult with the embassy regarding local laws.
– Talk to representatives of several transport companies – they can tell you about specific features of that region.
Whom to contact and how to choose a reliable partner
During the first 24 hours, you will need to communicate with many institutions and people. Let's make a priority list:
**First priority (call immediately):**
– Embassy or consulate of Lithuania in that country
– Immediate family members
– Repatriation / body transport company
**Second priority (within the first 12-24 hours):**
– Insurance company (if applicable)
– Employer (yours and/or the deceased's)
– Funeral home in Lithuania
– Notary (if urgent powers of attorney are needed)
Regarding the repatriation company – this is a very important choice. Here are a few criteria worth considering:
Experience with the specific country. Not all companies work with all countries. Ask if they have previously transported remains from the country where your loved one died. If so, they will know the local specifics and have contacts.
Transparency regarding prices. A serious company will immediately give a preliminary price or at least a price range. If they tell you "we will call you later" or avoid talking about money, it is a red flag.
24/7 availability. Death does not choose a time. A company working with international cases must be reachable at any time of the day. This is not a luxury, it is a necessity.
Clear action plan. During the first conversation, they should be able to explain to you what will happen next, what documents will be needed, what your tasks will be, and what they will take onto their shoulders.
Do not be afraid to ask questions:
– How many times have you transported remains from this country?
– How long does the entire process usually take?
– What is included in the final price, and what will require additional payment?
– Do you have partners in that country?
– How will the communication take place – will I have a single point of contact?
What to do with work, daily affairs, and other commitments
Life does not stop, even when it feels like it should. During the first 24 hours, you need to think about practical matters too.
Work. Inform your employer immediately. In Lithuania, laws provide for days off in the event of a close relative's death, but this is usually 2–3 days. If the death occurred abroad and you need to travel there or organize transportation, it will likely require more time. Speak openly with your employer – most people are understanding in these situations.
If you have young children, think about who will take care of them in the coming days. You will need time for phone calls, visits to institutions, and handling paperwork. Do not feel guilty about asking for help – this is not a weakness, but a smart setting of priorities.
Financial commitments. If the deceased lived abroad, their apartment, belongings, and perhaps a car are likely there. There is no need to solve all these questions within the first 24 hours, but it is worth writing down that you will need to think about this later. If you know that they paid rent or had other regular payments, it might be worth informing the relevant people about the situation.
Social networks. This is a sensitive issue, but it needs to be thought about. Do you want the information about the death to be public? If so, who will announce it and how? If not, warn your closest people not to spread the information for now. Sometimes, distant acquaintances find out about the death unexpectedly and start calling with condolences precisely when you need to focus and handle paperwork.
The psychological side: how to take care of yourself while organizing everything
Now let's talk about what rarely anyone talks about – your own state. Organizing the transportation of a loved one's remains from abroad is not only a logistical challenge, but also a massive emotional one.
During the first 24 hours, you will likely be in adrenaline mode – the body mobilizes all its strength, you make calls, you solve problems. This is normal. But it is important to understand that this mode cannot continue non-stop.
A few practical tips:
**Do not stay alone.** If possible, ask someone to be near you – a friend, another family member, a neighbor. Even if that person does nothing, their mere presence helps. They can write down information while you speak on the phone, make tea, or remind you to eat.
**Delegating is not a weakness. ** If there are people offering to help, let them do it. Someone can call the funeral home in Lithuania, another can gather required documents from home, a third can inform other relatives. You do not need to do everything yourself.
**Write everything down.** Your memory is not working at 100% right now. This is not your fault – it is a normal bodily response to stress. Therefore, write down every conversation: whom you spoke with, when, what they told you, and what needs to be done next. Later, these notes will be invaluable.
**Allow yourself to feel.** Between calls and handling documents, emotions may overwhelm you – tears, anger, even a strange laughter. This is completely normal. Do not fight it. If needed, step into another room, have a cry, strike a pillow. Then return to business.
**Basic physiological needs.** It sounds cliché, but many people forget to eat, drink water, or sleep. Set reminders on your phone if necessary. Your body needs energy right now – it is impossible to organize everything if you faint from hunger or exhaustion.
When everything comes together into one picture
The first 24 hours after receiving the news of a loved one's death abroad are like a labyrinth in a fog. But by having a clear plan, knowing whom to call and what to expect, you can avoid many mistakes that would later cause additional stress and complications.
Remember: there are no foolish questions. If you do not understand something – ask. If something seems unclear – request to have it explained again. Good repatriation companies, embassy staff, and funeral home representatives have all seen hundreds of such situations and understand the state you are in.
Allow yourself to accept help – both professional and from loved ones. No one wants to find themselves in such a situation, but when it has already happened, it is important to know that you are not alone. There are people and institutions whose job is to help you during this most difficult time.
And the last thing we would like to say: after a few weeks or months, when everything is over, you will likely not even remember many of the details from these first 24 hours. But you will remember that you managed. That, despite the pain and chaos, you did what needed to be done. And that is already a lot.
